apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
