I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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