Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
