I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
