Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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