A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize