I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
