Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
