Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
