she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
