I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
