I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
