my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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