Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize