Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
