After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
