I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
as a side note pls kill me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
