in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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