is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
