Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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