$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
