i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
