dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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