i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize