bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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