I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize