I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
