if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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