I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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