Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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