Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
