did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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