Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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