By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
