Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
