Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
