Im at strip club and am horny
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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