I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
