I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
