I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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