1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
