C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Terrible idea I love it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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