Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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