we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
