My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
