Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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