xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
