I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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