I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
