Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
