sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
