Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
