Say something about gay babies.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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