i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
