I look better un-naked...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
