Please, let me fuck your mom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
