Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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