lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
