whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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