i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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