Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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