So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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