bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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