Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
